One Sunday I sat in my coach watching red zone. My girlfriend decided to look up from the book she was reading and made a very interesting observation. As Jarvis Landry caught a touchdown pass from the great jay cutler all I could hear was “I really like their uniform. The ones in white. They look like dolphins”. How in the world did she make out that a man dressed in a dolphins uniform actually looks like a dolphin will always bewilder me. Maybe it was the turquoise trousers that brought flashbacks of a childhood admiring Disney process Ariel the mermaid. Or perhaps it was the image of a dolphin on the massive board in the end zone behind the Landry. If it was the uniform designer, you got to give credit where credit is due; they really do look like magic dolphins who have the ability to disappoint their fans year in year out. This all leads to one question: what teams actually look like nicknames they claim to be? To save you sleepless nights I have describe to give you guidance in the matter. You can thank me later below i the comments section.
We will start in the NFC south division. I must admit without a halo on someone’s head, a saint is hard to symbolise. I would have however, switched the colour and the trousers the other way around to make it look like they are sitting on clouds. I have never seen a light blue panther so I’m going to have to say this was a poor attempt in Carolina. Same with the falcons. How could you expect them to soar with a jersey that looks like it was designed by a 6 year old. Buccaneers at least look like they would rob a boat. This, for me, is the winner in the south ad will quite possibly be one of their few wins in 2018.
I don’t know what a 49er is supposed to look like so I’m giving full marks to the San Francisco designer on a technicality. The cardinals do look like a flock of birds and you could argue that the rams look wooly with Todd Gurley and Jared Goff representing their two horns. My favorite from this division is the Seahawks. The colour is all wrong and if I asked my girlfriend who they are based on their uniform she would never guess but it’s a lovely jersey. It reeks mean and that alone is enough to represent a Seahawk.
Packers are winning on a technicality based on my lack of knowledge to know what a packer is. I’m guessing maybe some type of cheese based on the hats. Scoring the vikings low here based on the fact that I can’t get behind the fact that purple was the colour to be wear in the 790s. The gold would be a better representative if it was the main primary colour. Despite a blue lion looking very cool, it’s something out of Narnia. Not a runner in my books. So the only ones I actually like in the NFL north is the bears. I can see why they didn’t go for all brown because it would be awful. Instead, they went for a lovely shade of navy but still capturing that bear tradition with a brown stripe. Top marks.
Dallas do not look like cowboys. Jerry should know better. Yet to see a green eagle but it is a nice jersey so I’m not going to be too hard n this one. A giant is a very hard one as what is a giant supposed to look like other than being big. And who would say that Eli Manning doesn’t have the features of a giant. And the final team in the NFC are the redskins. For political and a lot of other reasons I will not look at Washington. Sorry I just have the balls on a Friday morning to get into it.